


Stay

by girl_next_door_writes



Category: Supernatural
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 06:51:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 838
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16868176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girl_next_door_writes/pseuds/girl_next_door_writes
Summary: Angsty Dean for you all.  Sorry, I'm rubbish at summaries.





	Stay

Sitting in the dank lamplight of the motel room, he poured himself another glass of whiskey, the amber liquid splashing over the ominously stained table top. Why did it always come down to this? There was always another battle, another fight, another reason not to tell you how he felt and now-now there was no point in saying anything anyhow. The image of you and Sammy seared into his brain, the final nail in the coffin of his hopes. He knew it had just been for the case, an act, but his heartbreak was real. 

The door opened and he didn’t even look up, he knew it was you. “I’d have thought you and Sammy would have been getting all hot and sweaty by now.” He slurred, taking a large gulp of the firewater that should be burning his throat had he been more sober. 

“What the fuck, Dean?” you sighed, crossing over to him and moving the bottle across the table. It was obvious he was too drunk to talk right now but there were things he needed to get off his chest, things he’d never say sober. 

“Fuck off.” He snarled, making a grab for the bottle.

“That’s your come back? Seriously?” Raising an eyebrow, you moved to put yourself between him and the alcohol. Folding your arms across your chest, you looked down at him with a mixture of concern and hurt. 

His eyes met yours and he felt a wave of regret mixed with shame. You were so beautiful, standing there in the lamplight, the way it shone in your eyes made him want to just reach out and hold you, to bury his head against you until all these feelings of being unworthy, unwanted, washed away. Instead, he simply averted his gaze and mumbled, “You don’t have to pity me, sweetheart. Don’t break your back for me, I’m not worth it. Go. Have fun with Sam.” 

Hearing you sigh, he figured you were going to leave so he was surprised when you crouched down and smiled softly at him. One hand rested on his thigh as the other gently pushed his hair back and he closed his eyes, relishing your touch. Damn, who the hell was he right now? Dean the hunter? Dean the screw-up? Dean the big brother? Dean the preferred vessel for an asshole archangel? There were so many pieces, so many masks, he wasn’t sure anymore but he was sure if you stayed a little longer that maybe you could break through and see him for who he was. See him as the person he’d thought he’d lost years ago. Maybe you could convince him that ‘just Dean’ was enough because he couldn’t convince himself that was the case. 

There were so many things he wanted to say but that conversation required him to be sober. The problem was, when he wasn’t intoxicated, he’d never have the nerve to say them. There were times he thought maybe you could do this, him and you, then life happened and he was reminded that you were all only playing to lose. Maybe this little fantasy of his, this little slice of redemption was an excuse, a way to chase more pain because ultimately he could never have this. “I could never have you.” He said softly, his inner monologue escaping his lips without him even realising it.

“Dean, you have me. I am right here.” Your voice was laced with confusion and his heart ached. He just wanted you to tell him that it was all going to be okay, wanted you to hold him and love him and stay with him. That wasn’t going to happen though. At some point, you would leave and then check in with him in the morning as if none of this had happened. “Come on, let’s get you to bed. You need sleep.” 

He watched as you got to your feet, wandering round the room gathering his things and placing a glass of fresh water by the bed. Eventually, you knelt in front of him again, your fingers untying and removing his boots before you helped him to his feet. There was a brief hesitation before you began to unbuckle his belt and he took the opportunity to look at you, memorise your face through his drunken haze. “Stay.” He whispered, causing you to look up and meet his gaze. 

“I’ll stay as long as you want me.” Your words tugged at his soul and he longed for them to be true. He let you lead him to the bed, let you lay him down and then pull him into your embrace as you settled beside him and he swore to himself this would be the last time, just like he’d sworn last time and the time before that. He knew he should let you go but he wasn’t strong enough and that was why you were both destined to repeat this cycle until one of you broke. Dean just hoped it wouldn’t be you.


End file.
